Rituals Can Help

Throughout time, symbols and rituals have been used to help us through major changes in our lives.  Rituals provide direction to guide us through difficult or confusing periods. For example, when facing our first holiday season after a major loss, ritual can be an enormous help.  Doing something symbolic helps to communicate that for which we have no words.

Anyone who has had a loss may design a ritual to help express some aspect of their mourning.  The use of ritual can be very healing.  Rituals provide parameters for a person’s grief.  Especially at times when grief is overwhelming, ritual allows for activity with a distinct purpose and a marked beginning and end. It can help feelings become more manageable, especially around holiday times and other difficult days.  Meaningful ritual becomes a channel for an individual’s many thoughts and feelings that may not otherwise find expression.  Ritual can also assist a griever in maintaining a healthy connection to the deceased.

 

Types of Rituals

Kenneth J. Doka, has developed four types of rituals based upon the work of Gennap, Von der Hart, and Rando:

Types of Ritual

Purpose

Example

Rituals of Continuity

To acknowledge a continuing connection between self or family and the deceased

A toast at Thanksgiving to remember and include your loved one

Rituals of Transition

To mark a reclaiming or a movement forward by the bereaved person

Redecorate a room to better suit the person or family you are now

Rituals of Reconciliation

To ask for, or grant, forgiveness
To finish unfinished business

Write a letter to the deceased, then ceremonially burn it

Rituals of Affirmation

To say “thank you” to the deceased for their influence in your life, or for something they taught you

Take a hike in the woods, and “say thanks” to Dad for instilling in you your love of nature

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